Alternate End-of-Race Options

Green. White. Checkered.

Three words which, among a vast majority of Indycar fandom, produce stomach convulsions so violent, you'd think RC and SunDrop just issued an ipecac flavor.

The thought of the Indycar higher-ups even considering this type of conjured, made-for-dopes, end to a top level racing series event is horrific enough, but as so often is the case, I wondered what it would be like to reverse my thought process and embrace this newfangled thinking. Maybe I too could come up with some alternate types of Indycar finishes of worth. Surely the racing gods are aware the earthbound, mortal NASCAR fans cannot fathom or appreciate the fates of a race-ending yellow. What effect would an Indianapolis 507.5 International Sweepstakes have on our sometimes-combined/sometimes not/demi-official Indycar records book? 

I came up with no less than three crazy ideas only a Granatelli could love...

Yellow. Red. Green. Checkered. (aka Qindao Fire Drill)

With 2 laps to go of all Indycar races, we throw the yellow as soon as the leader hits the Start/Finish line. Under control of the pace car before the first turn, we bring the field around the course and into their respective pit boxes, where the red flag is displayed. All cars stop, drivers unbuckle, exit the car, run around the car, get back into the car as quickly as possible. As soon as a driver is re-buckled, the crew re-fires the car and out of the pits to a green flag lap for the end of the race. Any incident on the said green lap which may cause a yellow flag to be thrown again, will result in the same process until we get a full green flag final lap. The winner is showered in victory lane with confetti thrown by the famous Rip Taylor. Only with such reverence are lasting traditions born.

Firestone Spin to Win

All races run to fit a scheduled TV window less 20 minutes when all cars return to their pits and the Firestone tire flip stage from Texas 2011 is highlighted on victory lane. Firehawk rapid-fire launches t-shirts into the crowd. IZOD Cameron approaches the stage and randomly selects from a group of wheel guns which are numbered and assigned to a correspondingly numbered wheel. She moves to the Firestone wheel wall and uses the guns on its matching wheel/lug nut. The TV audience, no doubt breath bated, watches as Cameron uses the gun and slowly removes the wheel which reveals a lap number on the wheel hub. The leader of the revealed lap number is your race winner. Made for TV! Wait'll Marty and Scott hear about this! They'll positively be slightly elevated above placid with excitement.
Pros - Firestone amortizes the cost of that wacky tire wall and more Cameron!
Cons - I don't really care to examine this side of the argument because.. CAMERON! 

The Brady Bunch

Leave it to Mike Brady to come up with such an equitable and efficient solution. He was an architect after all. Race is run in typical manner until the penultimate lap when a competition yellow is thrown and all cars not on the lead lap must pit, television coverage ceases immediately. Abridged from the season 5, episode 20 storyline of The Brady Bunch, the remaining cars follow the pace car from pit out. Orange cones with an egg on top for each of the remaining cars are set up across the start/finish line. To complete the final lap, the cars all come to a cone and stop as closely as possible without touching the cone or breaking the egg. Closest  measured nose to their orange cone is the winner. THE Orange Cone of Twitter fame will have exclusive rights to the tweet the finish to the world and Florence Henderson will serenade the victor with Queen's 'We are the Champions'.

Ridiculous? Perhaps. I contend they are ALL better than a green-white-checkered.

Leave your mark on the future of Indycar by commenting and vote now for your favorite! Suggest a great idea of your own! I promise to take all of these options directly to Indycar headquarters and deliver them directly to the hand of one Randall Bernard myself, for he is THAT accessible*.

(*While incredibly open and engaging with fans, he is not THAT accessible).

End of Season Thoughts, Part 1.

Following the conclusion of the IZOD Indycar Championship celebration, as viewed on Versus last night, I was left with several lingering thoughts, some positive, some negative, but all with the future of Indycar in mind:

1. Dario Franchitti has left no question on his status as Indycar legend. His two Indy 500 wins and three Indycar Championships are just the starting point.  He has proven over the course of the last 7 years that he excels with astounding consistency on ovals and road/street courses.  As cursory review of his career accomplishments will quite easily support this and his  latest Championship title shows him the best current example of all-around driver.  Certainly being on one a top-level (if not the best) team in the Indycar series throughout his career hasn't hurt, but his delivering the goods in the best equipment is what keeps him in the best seats in the business.  He is deserving of every comparison to existing Indycar legends with names such as Meyer, Foyt, Unser, Andretti, Rahal, Mears.


2.The sparse crowds as seen (if seen) on the second-tier television broadcasts are horribly damaging to the image of the Indycar Series, and cannot continue beyond this season. The perception to a worldwide televison audience that 'nobody cares' instantly discounts and cements Indycar as a 'strange and curious' little niche sport at best. The great difficulty I see is that the action as seen in person is vastly better than the on TV product.  Having seen both, the only thing on TV that has given me those eye-popping moments experienced in person is the action captured by the panning in-car cameras. On TV, one often misses the scale and speed of full action, sound, and smells of these wonderful machines and drivers, traded for intrusive graphics, lacking coverage of on-track stories, and questionable vignettes.  Hopefully the venues and Indycar can begin work immediately on vastly improving attendance next year and TV will provide a more immersive and less distracted experience for it's viewers.

More thoughts to come...

Quick Perspective Check and More IndyCar Simple Math

Right up front, I must say that it just hit me today.

I hadn't actually noticed the fact that nearly everyday since the first race in Sao Paulo, IZOD IndyCar news is plentiful. Plentiful AND good news. I had just been so eagerly soaking it up with building anticipation to the Greatest Spectacle In Racing, that I needed to just take a moment to think about how we've come so far so quickly.

I trace it back to the major sponsor activation by IZOD that has, without a doubt, jump-started the entire league and raised the profile of IndyCar (and for that, I pledge the activation of my money and brand loyalty in supporting the Phillips-Van Heusen lines). If you are an IndyCar fan, I seriously hope you choose to do the same because when I think of the departure of Mr. Tony George from management of the series, I think about the major concerns I had about its future. Thank you IZOD and thank you Mike Kelly.

Now onto the racing:

Heading into the oval season, we now turn our attention to only turning left which instantly gets the juices flowing for Indy. Ahhh, dammit sweet Indy, how do I love you?  Very much thank you but first, there's the matter of Kansas. Kansas brings us the first oval of the season and the only one before Indy meaning some shining rookies need to get up to speed pronto and veterans jostle for Jack Arute's 'Uncle Mo', heading to Indy.

Now onto the IndyCar Simple Math:

turning left at Kansas > turning right at Kansas
Mona Vie > h.e.r.
@tomasscheckter > @danicapatrick
The Queen-Hotts of the 'Inside' (The Inside Pass Girls) > well, most any other fan-based group really.
making Indy 500 weekend plans > watching Tallesnooza.
VS IndyCar (and Hockey for that matter) coverage > anything ESPN has done for years.
SMI > ISC
Oval Crown and Road/Street Crown > 'the chase'
Pressdog + SB PopOffValve + is it May yet? + 16th and Georgetown + Curt Cavin + Oil Pressure > searching for IndyCar commentary via all traditional media outlets combined.

Many thanks to all who spend time making the IZOD IndyCar world a better place!

Simple IndyCar Math and The Race to the Party

I tend to try to make things simple.  For some reason, this often leads to unnecessary elaboration/obfuscation.  Any regular reader would likely agree or possibly even be astounded that anyone could think otherwise.

(to use an oft-abused non-word) Irregardless, I will disobfuscate all over your screen here with something that I like to call Simple IndyCar Math. No need to explain really unless since 3rd grade you've forgotten that ">" is the greater than sign and "<" is the less than sign...

Example: IndyCar > NASCAR.  OK, you with me?  Of course you are, here we go...
Butler Bulldogs > Indiana Pacers
Grilled Encased meats >= Zero Gravity Flights
Jack Arute > The whole Fox NASCAR booth
IZOD > (Pep Boys + Northern Lights) x 50
'How Do I Love Indy?' Firestone Ad > All remixes/mash-ups of Slap Chop Ads
Google Chrome > (IE8) x 17
Google anything > anything - Google
Long Beach > Sonoma
Roy Hobbson > Jonathan Hart Self-made Millionaire
AC/DC >= Having Superpowers
Gran Turismo 2 > Mario Kart wii
The Inside Pass >= sliced bread
pressdog > Gordon Kirby
Trenton's dog-leg backstretch oval > any damned cookie cutter 1.5 mile oval of today
Nazareth > Homestead
Nazareth <= April Wine
John Menard = Andy Granatelli
Buick Indy V6 Turbo <= Colonoscopy
Indianapolis Motor Speedway > Daytona International Speedway (and don't you forget it)
Dirty air <= Pants crapping
Simona > Danica
Helio > Tom Sneva
Fuel Strategies < Late-braking Passes for position
ZZ Top > 3 Doors Down + Third Eye Blind + free Miller Lite.
Chip Ganassi >= Ulysses S. Grant
Lindy Thackston >= sliced bread
The Pagdoa > we may ever realize
Bell's Two-Hearted Ale > Psychedelics
Jimi Hendrix > Michael Jackson
Ben Roethlisberger < smart
Jim Nabors > Mormon Tabernacle Choir

The Race to the Party...
Select Driver - Roy Hobbson, Select Transport = '78 Corvette + T-Tops + fuzzy dice + chrome skull shift knob - catalytic converter.
Select Driver - Bob Jenkins, Select Transport =  '74 Hurst-Olds Cutlass 455ci Pace Car
Select Driver - Danny Ongais, Select Transport = '81 Methodist Hospital Ambulance
Select Driver - Sam Hornish Jr., Select Transport = Time Machine

More Race to the Party coming at GroundedEffects.blogspot.com

Thanks for visiting.