Friday, March 14, 2014

Glampty-Dance, Here's Yo Chance, So do The Glamp!

Oh, hello there.

Yes, friends, it has been a while, but with the off-season turned chock-a-block with new-season goodies, many things are looking up for the Indycar season - 2014.

Now 'Glamping' (Glamorous Camping) is the latest development for those inclined to be nearest the action and not at a distant or ratty hotel come raceday. IMS seized an opportunity to capitalize on this and the new 'Glamping' zone is set for the infield this May at the Greatest Racecourse in the World((tm), I think)


It also spawned a nice twitter interchange among some of us with a predilection for 80s/90s club rap and, given my penchant for parody lyrics here on the blog, one song became clear to me as the semi-unofficial, not-at-all-in-accordance-with-copyright-law, unapproved Glamp Camp Song of 2014 - Glampty Dance. The "Humpty Dance" by Digital Underground, is a staple of dance parties since it was released in 1990. Classic braggadoccio rap lyrics over a great funky drum and bass loop mixed with memorably humorous and well-paced lyrics, the original with video can be heard here.

And now for your entertainment, set the original track on your iPod/YouTube player/CD player and sing along as I present to you, the parody lyrics - Glampty Dance:  

All right!
Stop whatcha doin'
'cause I'm about to ruin
the style of campin’ that ya used to.
It looks funny,
but IMS makin' money, see
so, yo world, I hope you're ready for me.
Now gather round
I'm the new camp in town
and my tent's laid down on th’ Innerground.
I drink up all the Fuzzy’s that ya got on ya shelf
so just let me introduce myself
My name is Glampty, pronounced with an 'Ampty'.
Yo ladies, oh how I love like to Pamp’ thee.
And all the fires in the Coke-Lot – please allow me to stamp thee.
I'm campin' tall, y'all,
just like Benny Benassi
and if ya not, ya fall like a pit wall Ganassi.
I like to chill,
I like my camp funky,
I'm spunky. I like a Brazilian named ‘Junqy’.
I'm sick wit dis, straight gangsta camp
but sometimes I get all Natty-up
I'll eat up all your Cheez-Its and your Ramen Cup
hey yo track girl, c'mere-are ya tattedup?
Yeah, I saw ya tatts.
Look at me, I'm clean
It never stopped me from gettin' mean
I'm a freak
I ask the girls 'show your b**bs'
I once got busy in an infield bathroom
I'm lazy.
Driving to track is crazy.
They say I'm a newbie but it just don't faze me.
I'm still seein’ all the tramp-stamps
and I see ‘em from my own camp

[Chorus:]
The Glampty Camp here’s yo chance to do the Glamp
Do the Glampty Camp, come on and do the Glampty Camp
Do the Glampty Camp, just watch me set a Glampty Camp
Do ya know what I'm doin', doin' the Glampty Glamp
Do the Glampty Camp, do the Glampty Camp

[Verse 2:]
People say "Yo, Glampty, you're trailer’s funny lookin'"
that's all right 'cause I get things cookin'
Ya stare, ya glare, ya constantly try to compare me
but ya can't get near me
Givin' out booze, tunes, see, and a dance floor, B,
all the girls they adore me
Oh yes, ladies, I'm really bein' sincere
'cause I’m not stuck in traffic, I can service ya here.
My camp is big, uh-uh I'm not ashamed
Big like a compound, I'm still gettin' laid
I get paid by the glampers, ya know I'm in charge,
both how I'm livin' and my camp is large
We like to get ‘you know’, we getting freaky like Juno,
I use a word that don't mean nothin', like 'Duno'
I sang on Drivewhutchalike, and if ya missed that,
I'm the one who said just ‘show ‘em all ya tramp tat’.
Also told ya that I like to camp
Well, yeah, I guess it's obvious, I also like to Glamp.
All ya had to do was give Glampty a slot
and now I'm gonna rock this spot...

[Chorus]

[Breakdown:]
Oh, yeah, that's the break, y'all
Let me throw a little firepit right here, yo
Oh, yeah!
Now that I told ya a little bit about myself
let me tell ya a little bit about this camp
It's real easy to do--check it out

[Verse 3:]
First I’m camping in my 30 cause my Prevost is broken
Shakin' and twitchin' and my transporter’s smokin'
Crazy wack campy
People say ya look like Martha Stewart on crack, Glampty
That's all right 'cause my camp is in motion
It's supposed to look like a mosh or a commotion
Anyone can camp this way
This is my camp, y'all, Glampty’ Glamp’s my name
No two people will Glamp the same way
Ya gotta glamp, turn Indy night into day.
Humpin', funkin', jump right,
jig around, rockin’ ya campsite,
and when the yellow shirt chump blows a whistle in ya’ camp
tell him step off, I'm doin' the Glamp.

[Chorus]

Race Fans, do the Glampty Camp, do the Glampty Camp
Track Workers, do the Glampty Camp, do the Glampty Camp
Die-hards, do the Glampty Camp, just keep on doin' the Glamp
Yellow-shirts, do the Glampty Camp, do the Glampty Camp

Let's get stoopid!

[Chorus]

[Outro:]
Once again, the Innerground is in the house
From the Greatest Spectacle in Racing,
keep on doin' the Glampty Camp,
and to the Coke Lotters,
peace and glamptiness forever…

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Godspeed

Just a few days ago, on a recent music-related trip to Nashville, Tennessee, I was also able to devote some impromptu time for what I will loquaciously describe as a 'Friday PM Indycar Fan and Blogging Commiseration Summit'. 

In the maelstrom of the final hours before the 2013 Indy 500, I had several regretfully much-too-brief interactions during the pre-race tweet-up and picture this past May.  When I officially knew we were coming to 'Nashvegas' for a few days, I knew I needed to look up our good Indycar friend, George. George Phillips (of Oilpressure Blog fame and @oilpressureblog on Twitter) and his lovely wife Susan (aka @chiapet58) and I gathered together only to share some time getting to know each other. I doubt they'd mind if I revealed that the evening was full of good conversation and laughs on a great many subjects, Indycar included. 

Of all the things I've experienced over the last several years in the world of Indycar as experienced over the internet, my most positive experiences come from the direct social interaction with people whom I've only previously known via a digital environment. This includes fans, drivers, and racing industry people alike. This Friday PM was no exception.

After our 'tweetup-of-3' and after much discussion on the messages we put out in the universe via our blogs and twitter, I was left with the overriding feeling that, of all the problems Indycar has to overcome just to survive, the fans are not one of them. 

I also felt, as the same themes keep appearing in my writing and truly I have nothing new to say, and, as I've been threatening for several posts now, this is a good time to set the blog aside for a while. 

In summation, as I have written many a tome on the subject of Indycar, my primary goal (and the reason for the naming of Grounded Effects) was to produce thought-provoking and engaging commentaries for the fans of Indycar. I still feel many of the thoughts here have value in the near- and long-term for Indycar fans so please feel free to visit the "Museum" of the Grounded Effects blog... don't cost nothin'.

For your ease of future reference, below is a compendium with green listings among the most read, and the orange listings among the most read and personal favorites of mine, the links for which are found under the 'Museum' heading on the upper-right column of this blog. 

If you wish, please also follow down to the bottom for my final thoughts. 

2009
Sep.   
I’m going to blog about Indycar.
How I got started following Indycar, part 1.
Oct.
How I got started following Indycar, part 2.
Favorite Indycars, part 1 – ’79 Chaparral.
          Nov.
Indycar thoughts for the future.
Favorite Indycars, part 2 – ‘65 Lotus.
          Dec.
An Indy 500 trip for $365 (aka The Dollar a day plan).
Fave Indycars, part 3 – ’70 PJ Colt.
Please don’t change/mess up the start of the Indy 500.

2010
          Jan.
Tony G is out - Open letter to Hulman IMS ownership.
          Feb.
The Hallowed Grounds in winter.
Carb Day concert band suggestions.
100 days to Indy - Indy trip planning.
          Mar.
Fortune favors the bold – new car/engine ideas.
Season opener - Sao Paulo race review.
Faux Carb Day concert band announcement.
          Apr.
Disparity in racing is OK.
Simple Indycar math.
Celebrating some good news and more Indycar math.
          May
May = Indy for me.
500 Qualy predictions.
Last minute Indy trip stuff/prediction recap.
          July
D-day ICONIC preview.
          Sep.
Reviving the fading mystique of Indy ramble.
          Oct.
End of Season thoughts, part 1 – Dario is a legend, small crowds and TV.
End of Season thoughts, part 2 – Indycar is a niche sport, but devoted fanbase.
          Nov.
Post-season withdrawals, Pagoda shuttered, Chevy’s back, TK out of ride.
Thanksgiving and more Indycar math.

2011
          Jan.
Blog review.
Blog visual refresher.
Whither Sam Hornish.
Essence of NASCAR vs Indycar racing/competition.
          Feb.
American auto companies thoughts.
          Mar.
Indycar misses formula for future.
Whom should Randy Bernard trust?
Favorite Indycars, part 4 – ’85 March Cosworth ‘spin and win’.
          Apr.
Indycar parody lyrics – Jay Penske – Lawyers, Guns, and Money.
          May
Greatest 33 thoughts.
500 Qualy predictions.
Qualy predictions recap, race preview and prediction.
          Jun.
Race and predictions review.
Explaining Indycar to non-fans.
          Aug.
Predictions for the future of Indycar – Pain.
Fave Engines of Indy, part 1 – ’60s Ford V8 (sounds).
          Sep.
Why NASCAR drives won’t race the Indycar World Challenge.
Funky Cars of Indy, part 1 – Yunick’s ’64 Hurst Floor-shifter Spcl.
          Oct.
Indycar’s missing character – the car.
Post-Las Vegas/questioning my Indycar.
Dealing w post-Vegas grief.
          Nov.
Indycar Slang.
          Dec.

Looking to 2012 – Carb Day band ideas.

2012
          Jan.
Goofy graphical thoughts.
Missing Dick Simon.
          Feb.
Fans demand better Indycar coverage online.
Laughing at the new F1 cars – Platypus fever.
Zip-Line fever/Ideas for the 500.
Fave engines of Indy, part 2 – The Offy (sounds).
          Mar.
Pre-season cautionary thoughts.
Indycar Parody lyrics - Pippa Mann – Pippa Nation.
Equinox – new season.
St. Pete expectations/self-mantra: post-Wheldon.
          Apr.
Writing contrition.
The Greatest 33 and Indycar nerdery cont'd.
          May
Indycon Level 4 and my origins redux.
Jay Penske redux and diatribe on Indycar’s direction.
My rambling Indy 500 trip memories, 2004, part 1 - a new beginning.
My rambling Indy 500 trip memories, 2004, part 2 – cont’d.
My rambling Indy 500 trip memories, 2004, part 3 – final.
Indy 500 qualy predictions.
          Jun.
Milwaukee Indyfest trip and an energy revelation.
          Jul.
Drama as an asset to Indycar, not a distraction.
Humorous end-of-race alternatives to Green-White-Checkers.
          Sep.
Indycar needs some Gangnam Style.
Now THAT’S a season (review).
          Oct.
Days of Reflection (Wheldon and life).
Escapism in the off-season.
          Dec.
Left adrift as an Indycar fan – no more apologism.

2013
          Feb.
Post-Superbowl, waiting for Indycar.
Indycar and my iPod shuffle (a noir narrative).
          Mar.
Crystal Ballin’ – 2013, beyond... die spec racing.
          Apr.
Nostalgia as a false pain-relief remedy.
          May
One last plea for Indycar change.
          Jul.
Pocono – an on-site review for IndycarUK.
          Aug.
Should there be an end of the Hulman reign over Indycar?
          Sep.   
Final Rites - Grounded Effects Blog Recap.


Epilogue
I have been a fan of varying degrees of Indycar for nearly four decades and have come to the following conclusions with regard to the sport:
1. The Indy 500 is still truly a worldwide showcase event.
2. Building a viable series around the Indy 500 has proven to be folly. Aside from the 500, it has been and essentially still is a niche (300,000 followers/20,000 in person) sport and will remain so until a philosophical shift of what Indycar is supposed to be occurs, if ever.
3. For the sport of Indycar (or any autosport) to thrive and grow in the next 20 years, it MUST allow for an open, flexible, and agile set of rules and platform in which real innovation, creativeness, forward-thinking, and ingenuity are welcomed as the norm. Something akin to a 'formula libre' Indycar can thrive. 
4. I believe no other option exists for Indycar but to change radically. If not, it will continue the slow degradation and devaluation death march we've seen for nearly 20 years. Change is well overdue. 
5. I give Indycar in its current state through the 2016 season. It must either have a plan for radical change in place or it will be done. The current 'timeline' recently set by Walker and Miles is not a plan which will cause Indycar to survive beyond 2016.
6. We fans are never the problem, RATHER, we're the solution, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Until Indycar figures out what fans truly want and supplies what we demand, there is no long-term viability of the sport.

It is truly as simple as basic economics:
- The fans are consumers. We have the power of our money to support the things we demand. 
- Discretionary spending will continue to be reduced as the economy continues to polarize and eliminate the middle-class.
- The ONLY reason any professional sport (product) exists, ultimately, is to fill a demand by the fans (consumer). 
- Supply of product in and of itself does not create demand.
- Consumers will respond positively when you supply something they demand.
- The supplier who truly listens, who cares, and aims to provide the best possible product to meet or exceed the consumer expectations will be the one who ultimately survives.
- For auto-racing to be a viable sport, supply MUST ONLY follow demand.
- For Indycar to merely have the potential to survive, it must provide a product in much greater demand (at least 3 times the current demand in both TV and on-location markets), all other things being equal.
- You fans are the consumers. You have the power to demand, but it's up to suppliers to fill that demand. 
- I believe without question that demand will be filled. 

By whom is the Billion-Dollar answer.


"Whosoever desires constant success,
must change his conduct with the times."
-Niccolo Machiavelli


Best wishes and Godspeed to you all!

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

It Is Finished

and after receiving the tweet, DZ said, "it is finished", 
bowed his head and gave up his spirit

Based on a brief interaction with long-time Indycar tweeter, and even longer-time Indycar fan @stevewittich, I was harshly snapped from my mid/late-season Indycar and ambivalent blogging funk to post my thoughts today.

Here's that interaction...


Here's what I thought immediately following.. 


The time has come for Hulman/IMS to divest 
itself totally from the business of running Indycar. 


I understand fully the Hulman Companies position and myopic desire to 'hold' the property of Indycar, especially through May 2016 (the 100th Race) but I honestly believe a strong and significant argument can be made that the previous 19 years of history shows a constant decline of, and inability in, tending to the business of the top level of American Open Wheel Racing.  

All the while, IMS as a facility and property has done just fine thank you very much, and to me, the stark contrast between the entities of IMS and Indycar over the last 19 years indicates that the management of those two entities under the current roof is not tenable in any form.  I'm thrilled as a native Hoosier and longtime fan of the hallowed grounds that IMS as a landmark racing facility has improved so steadily and mightily, but the product that is Indycar is not in the hands of the people who can make it grow.  The time is now for Hulman and Company to release Indycar into the hands of people with a vested interest, ability, and desire to make it grow, without the distraction of associated and conflicting interests.

This got me thinking about the fair bit I've been reading about Dan Andersen and his acquisition of the entire Mazda Road To Indy ladder series. Dear Dan, if you are listening, it's me, DZ...

I'm sure his plate is overflowing with all the challenging goodness that F2000, Star Mazda, and now Indy Lights currently hold, but if there's anyway you could see fit to be involved in obtaining Indycar from its current overseers, I think we'd really have something of major value, structure, form, and energy to begin a terrific new jumping-off point for the next chapter of Indycar. 

I'd like to write a 'thank-you' note something like this around my 50th birthday, approximately 4 years from today...

Dear Mr. Andersen,

It is with great happiness that I celebrate my 50th year of existence this week and also my 40th year as a fan of Indycar.  I think it goes without saying just what an immense job you have done with our great sport of American Open Wheel Racing and I speak for many who hold you in the highest regard.  

All the options created by the diversity and technology you've harnessed in the new chassis and motor rules have made Indycar not just interesting to the manufacturers, but vital to gaining the rabid interest of fans and sponsors, the likes of which we haven't seen since the '80s.

Now, to have completely obtained and reshaped the Indycar ladder and positioned it for tremendous growth as you have, I am ever-hopeful the sport we all love will continue to grow and prosper as it has under your guidance for future generations. 

Many thanks Dan! You've given this 50-year-old fan the best Indycar present he could ask for.


And now, my blog must rest again. 

To sleep, perchance to dream...